


qmi | 시간 차 (too late)

by plincess_cho (ai_hao)



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Gen, Part AU, Qmi, Sort Of, aixing can't really angst, au where zhou mi knows that ss6 seoul encore was his last performance with suju, part non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 00:37:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16733685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho
Summary: Zhou Mi performs with Super Junior for the last time, and Kyuhyun is left with ready and waiting to fall.Or: You said you'd never let me go.





	qmi | 시간 차 (too late)

**Author's Note:**

> Set during the SS6 Encore in Seoul. AU.
> 
> Inspired by [Suu.](twitter.com/halfofmi)
> 
> Find the audio recording [here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWlp6MIEpX0&feature=youtu.be)

Kyuhyun runs offstage with the others, sweating profusely and feeling like he’s on top of the world. He’s simultaneously exhilarated and exhausted, but they’ve still got a few more songs to go before the show ends. He hears the fans cheering, begging for an encore, and he knows the final VCR will roll in just a few minutes. One of the staff throws him a towel, and he wipes at his sweaty face while walking towards the dressing rooms. He has to dry off, change, and fix his hair and makeup before running back on to sing again.

And then.

He sees Zhou Mi in his street clothes, neatly packing his things into his bag. He won’t be performing with the others for the encore. Kyuhyun looks around for Henry, but it seems he’s already gone.

“Hey,” Zhou Mi says, looking up at him. His eyes register pain for a split second before his mouth breaks into a smile. “You sounded amazing out there,” he says.

“Thanks,” Kyuhyun replies, reaching out to grab Zhou Mi’s hand. It feels cool in Kyuhyun’s own. “Are you heading out?”

Zhou Mi nods.

Someone calls out a five minute warning, and Kyuhyun knows that he has to go. He grips Zhou Mi’s hand tightly and looks him in the eye, “I’ll see you back at the hotel then?”

Zhou Mi meets his gaze and offers another smile, but it’s sad. Yet Kyuhyun doesn’t have time to ask why as one of the managers gently pulls him away because he really needs to get changed so they can go back onstage and yet—

He holds Zhou Mi’s hand, stretching his arm until they’re too far apart and their fingers slip apart. He gives Zhou Mi a questioning look, but Zhou Mi just motions him onto the stage.

Kyuhyun doesn’t have time think about it all further as he’s hustled into a gaggle of staffs with towels and then costuming and then makeup and then—

And then he’s back onstage with the others, waiting for Leeteuk to finish talking so the music can start.

*

Zhou  Mi lets his hand slip out of Kyuhyun’s as he watches him go. He’d seen the concern in Kyuhyun’s eyes, but he hadn’t wanted to get into it. Not now, not ever. He knows it isn’t fair to leave like this but… But this will be easier for everyone. So instead, he finishes packing his bag before slinging it over his shoulder and finding a manager to take him to the hotel.

He slips into the back entrance away from the prying eyes of the fans and takes the elevator up to his hotel room. Everything has already been packed into his suitcase, and he grabs the bag before looking around the hotel room one last time. Kyuhyun’s things are scattered all over the other side of the room, and Zhou Mi can’t help but chuckle at the mess. A tour sweatshirt tossed over a chair, song lyric sheets scattered across the bed, penguin neck pillow perches precariously on the nightstand. How many hotel rooms had they shared over the years while on tour, on vacation, or a combination of both?

Zhou Mi knows that if he stands there for one more minute, he’ll lose all of his confidence and won’t be able to carry through with this, so he surveys the room one last time. “Goodbye, Kuixian,” he whispers, feeling a lump grow in his throat. And then he turns to go.

He doesn’t cry the entire taxi ride to the airport nor through the security line at Gimpo nor while standing in line to board the plane. Yet as the plane takes off, soaring into the night sky, and Zhou Mi watches the twinkling lights of Seoul disappear beneath them, only then does he let the tears welling in his eyes run down onto his cheeks.

The execs had told him a few weeks ago that this would be his last performance with Super Junior for a good long while, and maybe forever. With enlistment, Super Junior M would be put on an indefinite hiatus, and Zhou Mi had very little faith that the company would actually resurrect it. They hadn’t told the others, probably because the others hadn’t asked. His contract will expire before long, and with things heated up between China and South Korea, it hadn’t made sense to stay in Seoul.

And yet…

And yet actually leaving makes it all finally feel real. No more hoping that the company will suddenly realize that he and Henry are their artists and deserve proper treatment, no more wishing that the past had worked itself out differently, no more fooling himself into believing that this is the best he can do. For the first time in his life, Zhou Mi has put aside his optimism for a proper dose of realism, and even though it hurts, he knows things will be better.

Or at least he hopes.

But Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun, the one who had stuck by him through so much over the past seven years. The one who had laughed with him and cried with him from Seoul to Shanghai to Tokyo. The one who had outshined the sun in Zhou Mi’s eyes. Didn’t he deserve a proper goodbye?

But the pilot announces that they’ve reached their cruising altitude, and it’s too late to turn back now.

*

They finish the set to another deafening round of applause and cheers. Hyukjae’s crying again per usual, and Ryeowook’s not far behind. Enlistment is coming, and they’re trying to treasure these last few performances. Kyuhyun doesn’t even want to think about enlistment. After all, he’s still got years. He doesn’t want to think about leaving until he absolutely has to.

He goes through the routine of drying and changing clothes before shoving his things into his bag and grabbing his coat. It’s too hot to put on extra layers right now, and besides, he desperately needs a shower. He and a few of the others head for the hotel the company had booked just a few blocks away from the venue. They’d used it for the past few days in between rehearsals and stage setup, and tonight Kyuhyun just wants to shower and order room service.

He thinks about what to call for as he rides the elevator up to his floor, but when he pushes the door open and finds the room empty, all thoughts of food flee from his mind. Zhou Mi’s things are gone, and Zhou Mi himself is nowhere to be found.

Kyuhyun wants to believe that Zhou Mi has simply gone out drinking with friends or that he decided to go back to his apartment early but deep down, he knows the truth: that Zhou Mi is gone and won’t be coming back.

He’d been expecting this day to come for years now, ever since Han Geng had disappeared one day without a goodbye. He knows that Zhou Mi deserves better, that Zhou Mi has always deserved better; they’d talked about it so many times with Kyuhyun even encouraging him to do what’s best for himself. But he had never imagined that it would happen like this, without so much as a simple goodbye.

He sits on the bed and unlocks his phone, staring at the screen while trying to find the words to say. _I’m sorry? Come home? Don’t leave me? How could you? Best wishes?_ Yet nothing feels right, and he doesn’t want to say something that he regrets, so he doesn’t say anything at all. Instead, he just looks at his hand, the one Zhou Mi had held mere hours before, as his words echo in Kyuhyun’s head.

 _“You won’t let me go, right?”_ Kyuhyun had asked, gripping onto Zhou Mi’s hand for dear life.

 _“Of course I won’t!”_ Zhou Mi had replied, pulling him forward into the obstacle course. It had been one of those silly challenges that they’d wanted them to do for some show ages ago. A trust exercise, someone had said. Kyuhyun had been blindfolded, and Zhou Mi was meant to guide him through some sort of maze.

And then, in a voice meant only for Kyuhyun to hear, Zhou Mi had leaned close and whispered, _“Kuixian, I’ll never let you go.”_

That’s all Kyuhyun can think about now, Zhou Mi’s voice soft against his ear, and the entire world disappearing around them.

“I thought you said you’d never let go,” he whispers.

*

And it hurts.

It hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts for so long. Everything aches, and Kyuhyun wonders if this pain will ever dissipate. Days turn into weeks, and Kyuhyun doesn’t know what to do or what to say, so he says nothing at all, and maybe that makes things worse. If only they could talk this out and cry together and try to salvage whatever little bit they have left.

But they both have phones, and his doesn’t ring either. As then as weeks turn into the months, the wound finally starts to cauterize before scarring over. And so time goes on, just like it always has. The seasons change, the members start enlisting, and suddenly Kyuhyun has said more goodbyes than he can count. He’ll hug each one tight before sending them off to the military and praying that his day doesn’t come any time soon.

But then…

But then there will be that one little thing that suddenly transports him back to a time when they were all happy, laughing over street food at the night market in Taiwan, giggling their way through a variety show recording in Wuhan, filming another music video and wondering if this will skyrocket them back into the public eye. He’ll smile to himself and pull out his phone, ready to send a message and a slew of emojis.

Until he remembers that they don’t do this anymore, and that they’d have to backtrack too far and slog through so much just to get to that point again, and is it… Is it really worth it?

Kyuhyun sighs. He’s forgiven Zhou Mi. He’s forgiven Zhou Mi a thousand times over. But there’s still this giant scar on his heart that he doesn’t think will ever fade.

*

They meet again, and the first thing that Kyuhyun says is “You said you’d never let go.” He blinks up at Zhou Mi with those big eyes filled with so much pain and yet so much longing.

And Zhou Mi’s heart breaks all over again. He wants to show Kyuhyun all of the texts and emails that he had wanted to send but never did, wants to tell him about all of the times his finger had hovered over the Confirm button for a flight booking back to Seoul, about all the nights he’d wished they could go back in time so he could make everything right.

“Kuixian,” he says softly, “I never did.”

His Korean is so rusty, but he presses on because if he doesn’t do this right, he won’t get another chance.

“I tried to forget you,” he says, and Kyuhyun’s face drops even further. “That would have made all of this easier,” he continues. “But I never could. And even if I never saw you again, it wouldn’t matter: I’d still never forget you. You’ve become a part of me.”

And then Kyuhyun eyes fill with tears, and he stands in front of Zhou Mi looking so forlorn that all Zhou Mi wants to do is hold him close and make good on his promise. He wants to cry to level the field, but he can’t. Too many things had happened in the past ten years that he’d forgotten how too.

*

Kyuhyun feels his tears roll down his cheeks. He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t cry, that they’d have a civil discussion and go back to their separate lives, but seeing Zhou Mi after so long had obliterated any resolve he’d had left. He wants to throw himself into Zhou Mi’s arms and laugh off this whole mess, but his emotions threaten to overwhelm him and it takes all that he has to force himself to stay put.

It’s Zhou Mi who tentatively steps forward and, when Kyuhyun doesn’t shy away, gently pulls Kyuhyun into his arms. Kyuhyun doesn’t hug back at first. It had been so long and everything had hurt so badly and maybe they’re too broken to fit together again like they used to.

But Zhou Mi’s wearing that same cologne he always wore back in the day that Kyuhyun could always smell even after they’d been onstage for hours, and suddenly the dam breaks. Kyuhyun throws his arms around Zhou Mi and full on sobs into his lapels.

For a moment, it’s just like it was before: like two pieces of a whole coming together to make something beautiful. Kyuhyun remembers all the embraces they’d shared over the years they’d spent together, from quick hugs onstage for the fans to falling asleep next to each other after a long day of filming. Zhou Mi still feels like home, the home he thought he’d never be able to return to again.

They pull apart at long last, and Kyuhyun doesn't know where to go from here. They’re broken, two jagged pieces that can no longer fit together. They live in two different countries with two different lives and two different paths, and everything is different from before. They can’t take back all the time that’s passed, but maybe, just maybe, they can go forward into the future.

Zhou Mi tentatively holds out his hand to Kyuhyun, and what he’s offering even Zhou Mi himself doesn’t know, but Kyuhyun takes it.

“I can never let go of you, Kuixian,” he says softly.

*

And it’s beautiful and it’s tragic, and maybe some things just aren’t meant to be. Maybe they could have been if they’d just held on a little bit longer, and maybe they could have burned brightly if they’d just endured the darkness a little longer. Yet at least, they have their memories to hold onto, and for now, that has to be enough.

They go back to their separate countries and their separate careers and their separate lives, but things are different now. There are messages back and forth, not as long or as lengthy as before, but messages nonetheless. There’s a dinner here, a meeting there, and then the seasons change once more.

And one day, Kyuhyun realizes that the scar over his heart has finally started to fade.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love ♡
> 
> [Twitter](twitter.com/plincess_cho) / [Tumblr](plincess-cho.tumblr.com)
> 
> You can find more qmi fics → [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Brelationship_ids%5D%5B%5D=164470&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&pseud_id=plincess_cho&user_id=ai_hao)


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